I try not to be too snarky, but this is my next out-of-office message:
"Hi, you’ve reached the desk of Michael Martineck. I’m out of the office, so please leave a message. If this is an emergency, please call Jim. He’s not in the Advertising Department. He did two combat tours in Iraq and will tell you what a real emergency is."
A first-responder in the advertising world is someone who gets to the meeting ahead of everyone else to get the pick of the muffins.
End of mini-rant.