Trump wins me over

Last night Donald Trump spoke at a huge rally in my beloved Buffalo. I had some skepticism going in, but he won me over. Now some of these phrases he used are ‘dog whistles’, veiled comments directed at only some people in the audience. So let me clear them up for you. Here is what I heard –

- If Trump wins, my next novel is going to be a best seller. I’m going to have a best seller so big, I’ll be like Donald, please, I can’t even have a best seller selling this big.

- If Trump wins, my children will no longer be mouthy. They will say ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’ and ‘gosh, that was insightful’ as they finish their peas every night. If they don’t, they will be sent to work on the wall.

- If Trump wins, my hair will grow back. He has an inordinate amount of hair for his age and I can too, if I vote for turning back the clock, to a time when I had to have my bangs trimmed every Saturday morning I wouldn’t be able to see getting out of the pool.

America, this is going to be great. Again.