Can you see me in a monocle?

I’ve always had odd tastes.  Wore a pith helmet quite a bit between the years of 9 and 11.  I have no interest in motorcycles without a sidecar.  So my attraction to the monocle is suspect. After whipping out and folding away reading glasses for the last six months, my suspicions have changed.  The monocle may have a place on the face.

Warby Parker, makers of beautiful eyeglass frames, also puts out a monocle, designed for one of its high-grade prescription lenses. I know the hipster market is flush, but a good monocle approaches $100.  This is not a steam punk or Halloween costume accessory.  Is there really a market?  The question has bothered me ever since I stumbled across the devices. 

Because they are weird and eccentric and if I had a legitimate reason . . . Anyway, I know for a fact that I don’t always need reading glasses.  I frequently need assistance – I can’t see who’s calling me or texting me without squinting really, really hard.  Two lenses at full magnification are not necessary for a glance.  Pull them out, open the arms, now both hands are occupied, making an incoming phone call a complete physical commitment, which it shouldn’t be.  If I’m checking to see who’s calling, not simply answering, it’s because I was already doing something or equal or greater weight to new communication.

A little lens – a one-hander that let me check my phone, that could be cool, in a Col. Mustard, Prof. Moriarty, I’m totally going to take over the world kind of way.  Paired with a silk ascot and a .9mm Luger . . . see, I’m doing it again.  In the end, I can’t really trust my own tastes.  I will use a monocle after Ryan Gosling starts.  There.  A line on the blotter.