Put the NSA in charge of Obamacare

So the NSA hacked into Google and Yahoo, to gain access to data no one thought they could touch.  Wow.  Regardless of what you think about the ethics or legality, it’s quite an achievement.  The engineers at Google and Yahoo are, presumably, amongst the best in the world.

If the NSA can infiltrate them, well, their Kung Fu must be better.  I bet they could fix up a retail-database site like nothing.  The president should immediately re-direct the efforts of the NSA to repairing the Affordable Care Act’s Web site. 

It’s a win, win, win.  They can improve their image while helping 14 million uninsured American’s get healthcare.  Sure, there are all kinds of HIPAA regulations regarding security an such, but hey, that’s obviously not an issue for the agency.

And they can keep Al-Qaeda affiliates from getting health insurance.  Love it. 

Think outside the ballot box

The government is shut down because 30 Republican members of the House of Representatives – and the conservative groups that back them – have enough power not to defeat a budget bill by voting, as per the sacred Constitution – no, they have enough umph to keep John Boehner from bringing the bill up for a vote.  Which would probably pass.

I have no idea how the Speaker feels about shuttering the government.  I’m betting, after 22 years in the House, he wanted to keep things open.  His concern is that the Tea Party 30 can sway enough other congressmen to unseat him if he strays from their side.

The Speakership is an open selection.  The Democrats can vote for anyone they want.  The Speaker doesn’t even have to be a Congressman.  If the pretzel cart guy got the majority of votes, he could be Speaker.  If Democrats pledge their votes to Boehner, he’s immune from coup d’etat. 

And everyone could get back to work.  Even those that don’t want to, because they’re getting paid regardless. 

Government fall

It’s not a shut down.  It’s falling and missing the ground.  That’s what this government shut down is like.  Our leaders couldn’t even mess up right.  If you’re going to use the supports of our society as pry bars, put your backs into it.  Shut it all down.

The military, FBI, FEMA – they are all at work today.  People aren’t going to hit the dash until a week after Congress hit the breaks.  And even then there’s a whole bunch of people in the back seat who won’t feel the impact for years.

So, if you really want to know if the American people think shutting down the government is worth it to fight health care – as opposed to, I don’t know, giving the law a chance and seeing if it really is terrible enough to warrant repeal – then really do it.  No meat inspectors.  No Coast Guard.  No Federal courts. 

No air traffic controllers.  That’s the big one.  If your Fed Ex packages don’t cross the country, if the Dallas Cowboys have to bus it to New York, if some little girl can’t get her kidney transplant – well, then we might see some movement on the issue.  Washington would become very grounded very fast.  They would learn how to fall.

My favorite show right now

OK, It’s Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., but nobody needs to read about that one.  25 million people watched the premier.  The other TV show I won’t miss right now is The Story of Film, An Odyssey, airing on turner Classic movies, Monday nights.  It is a complete course in movies.  You should get college credit for watching this program.

The 15-episode series played on BBC two years ago.  Directed and narrated by Mark Cousins, the project began as a book in 2004 and became documentary slowly thereafter.  He pretty much devoted five years of his life to the work and it shows.  I love this show because it doesn’t dwell in the abstract.  Cousins does talk about mood and nuance, but he shows actual clips of actual developments.  When he gets to Hitchcock for instance, he doesn’t just say he’s great.  He gives you five solid reasons and backs them up with clips illustrating his point.

The other reason to watch is exposure to stuff you very well may never have seen before.  This is not a Hollywood-centric film.  Like any odyssey worthy of the name, he covers great distances.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is pretty damn cool, too.

Deodorant rant

I ran out of deodorant last week.  I did not get the chance to restock because I live on an island and the island was, this weekend, very much like Stephen King’s dome.  I did make it to the mainland for a little while, but the experience created so much drama that I entirely forgot to pick me up some new Old Spice.  Which is kind of ironic, as the stress of leaving the island caused Nixonian levels of perspiration.

Anyway, I work out in the middle of the day, so I grabbed my wife’s travel deodorant.  I shouldn’t have.  It’s a baby blue stick.  It’s not the same colors as a Budweiser can or a battleship.  That’s how the marketing people warn you.  Marketing people are always there to help but I didn’t listen.

I didn’t listen because in my high stress job as a writer I need decent deodorant at all time.  I never know when I’ll be forced to say something witty or tell someone to use ‘whom’ not ‘who’.  Like EMTs, back-up quarterbacks or hostage negotiators – you never know when you’re going to be needed; you just need to be ready.  The constant state of readiness causes its own stress.  Which leads to the need for deodorant.  Which, presently, smells like all the Care Bears belched. 

Now I think I smell girly.  Which causes even more stress.  Which produces even more light and flowery scent.  If you rode a unicorn through a field of wildflowers, you might have I idea what my office smells like.  I hope to God nobody comes in here and ask ‘effect’ or ‘affect’.  We’ll end up on the ground like Dorothy and friends in the poppy fields.